


Sea Star

by ritalara



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, F/M, FitzSimmons Secret Santa, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Post-Episode: s03e11 Bouncing Back, Romance, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 03:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17236130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ritalara/pseuds/ritalara
Summary: Fitz & Simmons have agreed to start over and Christmas is around the corner.Canon Divergent Post 3x11





	Sea Star

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whatlighttasteslike (waitingforeleven)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforeleven/gifts), [EclecticMuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EclecticMuse/gifts).



> Bonus FitzSimmons Secret Santa Gift
> 
> A gift for @whatlighttasteslike & @eclecticmuse - thank you for organizing the exchange!

“Fitz!”

Jemma’s voice turned his attention to the common area as he passed by on his way from the hangar. As Fitz stopped, looking in to where she was stood in the corner of the room, a Christmas tree came in to view.

“What do you think?” she asked with an energizing brightness to her voice.

“Oh, um - nice.”

The tree was well sized and bare, but from the bags and baubles surrounding it, it seemed it wouldn't be that way for long.

“Agent Davis brought it in - can you believe it? It’s real!”

Fitz stepped inside the door and dropped his bags, surveying the seasonal fir.

“Do you want to help me decorate it?”

Her eyes shimmered and he felt his heart tug.

“Yeah - uh, of course.”

“I got Hanukkah decorations too.”

“You did?”

He breathed a small laugh out his nose.

“Of course. I know you don’t really celebrate and that it's already past...and really that it's not even that important of a holiday - but it's been years since we've had a chance to decorate anything so I thought we could do a nice mix..and maybe even get some pictures?”

Fitz looked at her in a way that sent a warmth swirling in her chest.

“You already promised my mum some didn't you?”

Her cheeks betrayed her.

“I called her after I talked to my parents. She said you haven't called her in ages by the way.”

“You know she exaggerates...how was the call with your mum & dad?”

“It was good to talk to them. I told them more...about...what happened when I was gone.”

She told them she had been stranded. That she had been scared and alone and that she had met another survivor. She told them that she had cared for him and they had kept each other safe and that he had died. She told them that Fitz had saved her, that he'd not given up looking for her.

After promising them she would get away to visit soon she had sat in her room, her father's response to the story echoed in her ears.

 _“He really would do anything for you. I hope you know what you've got there Jemma Anne.”_  

She did know.

She knew precisely how miraculous it was to have Fitz in her life. To know him. To love him.

She just didn't know what they had together.

“Oh...did you...did you tell my mum too?”

She nodded.

Jemma had called Fitz's mum after, eager to hear her voice - to talk to the one person in the world who knew exactly how special he was. She had told her too a truncated version of her story and the woman had bristled through tears at how much Fitz kept from her. When they changed topics it was to him. Jemma told her in non-confidential detail of the projects he'd been working on and they swapped stories that had been told before. Fitz’s inventions at the Academy, Fitz trying to build his own remote controlled vacuum cleaner as a child.  When she had come out of her room the Christmas tree had greeted her and she had rushed to the store for decorations

“So. A Christmas tree. Do you want to get started now?” Fitz asked, dropping his things and eyeing the supplies.

“It's late - we can do it tomorrow. How was the mission?”

“Good. Got the intel they needed from that old Hydra base - and Coulson's new attachments are working well.”

“Oh good.”

Jemma walked toward his things and picked up the equipment case as Fitz grabbed his duffle.

“So I talked to Bobbi & Mack too and we thought maybe we could all have dinner on Christmas Eve with everyone who’s on base?”

“As long as Mack is cooking.”

She laughed and began walking, the two of them naturally heading toward the lab.

“He said he’d do a roast and Bobbi is going to make pie. Coulson’s always talked about his paella so I thought I’d see if we can talk him into that.”

She dropped the case on Fitz's desk and he unzipped his bag to pull out the other tools he had in there.

“Do you need help putting any of this away?”

“No - it can wait...were you out this late getting decorations?”

“Oh no, I, um...I got back a bit ago and thought I'd get a head start and I...I wanted to see you.”

His heart dropped in to his stomach and she looked at him nervously. They stood in the same spots they had only days prior when they had agreed to start over. Since then things had been much less awkward but still a bit unsure. They were working closely together again and it felt good to not have to tiptoe around each other - to be able to talk and joke and otherwise go about their day as lab partners and best friends.

The other part was still...unclear.

He watched Jemma, wondering how to respond, and she reached out a hand to take his. He looked down at it as they connected, his eyes focused as she cupped his hand in hers. As he looked up he fought through the knot in his stomach.

“Can I walk you back to your room?”

Her smiled threatened to knock him out of his socks, and they began to walk towards the residential halls.

“So - dinner,” Fitz continued their conversation, “Christmas Eve. I assume you’re organizing everything?” 

“Yes. I said I’d do all the shopping and make sure there’s some vegetables on the table.”

“Sounds great. You can put me in charge of rolls.”

She nodded with a laugh and squeezed his hand. The walk was short and as they got to her room, Fitz had a new reason to be nervous.

“So should we - do you - do you wanna exchange gifts?”

“Oh.”

Jemma thought suddenly of the previous Christmas and how it had been the first one in years that she’d spent without him.

“I know we’re starting over and all that and-”

“I’d love to. I think Daisy wanted to do some sort of present swapping game on Christmas Eve... but it would be nice if you and I - I’d like that.”

“Right then.”

She smiled with a crinkle of her nose and Fitz stood there, wishing strongly that he didn’t have to let her go.  Every day since she had returned he was remiss to have her leave his sight. A voice in the back of his head urged him to say something and he shooed it away.

“See you in the morning for decorating?” he asked instead.

“I have to check on some samples first. I don’t think Coulson will mind if we take a couple hours for festivities - a little fun wouldn't kill us.”

He smiled and took in a breath before letting go of her hand. 

Jemma’s heart dropped a little as he released her but the look in his eyes hinted that he felt the same loss.

“Goodnight Fitz.”

“Goodnight Jemma.”

 

___

 

“I’m telling you it’s off center.” 

“It looks right to me Simmons.”

Fitz stood on a ladder next to the tree and she was perched back, trying to assess the placement of the star on top. 

“You’re too close, come down and see if from my angle.”

He settled the topper and climbed down to stand next to her, lining his hand up in front of himself.

“It’s perfect - look.”

“It is not! Fitz it's clearly leaning to the right.”

“Who’s right?”

“Our right - look.”

She stepped behind him and placed her hands gently on each side of his head to focus his eyeline.

“Crooked.”

“I’m sorry Simmons I just don’t see it.”

“Is your eyesight okay? When was the last time you had your vision checked?”

She pulled his face to meet hers as she stepped in front of him and Fitz felt an all too familiar jump inside his abdomen. 

When he didn’t argue back Jemma’s heartbeat began to race and a memory flashed of her hand on his face and his lips pressed against hers. She jumped back as though she’d been shocked.

Fitz’s face was warm with embarrassment and desire.

“I’ll uh, I’ll get the digital multimeter so we can, um - double check the star...”

 

___

 

Hours later, as Fitz began to wonder about dinner, he found Jemma in the kitchen, meticulously going through the cupboards.

“Hey Simmons - are you making something for dinner?” 

If she wasn’t already working on something he thought perhaps he could suggest they get dinner together - and maybe even find a holiday movie to watch.

“I’m looking for cinnamon.”

“What?”

“Cinnamon. Bobbi was supposed to make pies but she and May had to go follow another Hydra lead.”

“Can I help?”

“No. I don’t even have ingredients yet but before I go to the store I need to know what I need.”

She huffed, shutting one of the cupboards with velocity and he walked towards her more slowly.

“Well can I help with that?”

“No - it’s fine. I don’t want to take up your evening. I just didn’t plan time for making pies and I guess Bobbi was going to do a pumpkin and pecan and frankly I’ve never made either but maybe I can ask Mack or Lincoln if-”

“Could you do a trifle instead?”

“No, Fitz, that’s not - no. It’s pie. American pie.”

“I don’t think anyone will be too disappointed if there’s puddings instead of pies.”

“Nevermind. You don’t get it.”

“What?”   


“Just...it's fine. I’ll figure it out.”

She went back to rummaging and Fitz stood there, slightly wounded.  It felt silly to be upset but he was struck by the familiar feeling of being shut out by her.

“Jemma...you don’t have to go to all this trouble. Really. If this is too much we don’t have to-”

“What do you mean too much?”

“I just mean that you’ve been through - we, we’ve all been through a lot and if this is too much to-”

“It’s not. I’m fine. I can handle this.”

Her tone was firm and made it extremely clear that she was done arguing. Fitz took half a step back and the wince across his face shattered her veneer.

“I just want to it be nice for everyone.”

He watched as her shoulders slumped and took two long steps toward the countertop.

“It will be.”

He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder and she smiled at him, mouth closed and eyes soft.

“You’re right,” he added, “You can do whatever you put your mind to. I should know.”

She smiled, resting her hand overtop of his and Fitz felt an invisible string pull his chest towards hers.

“Things usually things go pretty well when we work together though too,” he offered.

“I suppose that’s true.”

She squeezed his hand and kept hers there, looking up at him.

“So how can I help?”

Jemma smiled, taking a moment to answer - a bit lost in his eyes. She shook herself back to the task and pat his hand before letting go.

“Can you take inventory with me and be my second pair of eyes tomorrow so we can cross reference the recipes and the shopping list at the grocery store?”

“At your service.”

 

___

 

 

“Okay. Mack already called in the butcher’s order so we can pick that up last. Let’s start with all the non-perishable items.”

“Roger.”

Fitz pushed the cart towards the middle of the store and moved leisurely as Simmons referenced the list in front of her.

“Okay, first, the baking isle. We need 6 rectangular pans and 4 pie tins.”

“Here we go.”

They stopped in front of the aluminum disposable cookware and he watched as Jemma surveyed their options.

“I wish there was a larger rectangular pan. I don’t think this will be big enough for the roast.”   
  
“We could go to another store.”

“Hmmm...”

She pulled out two pans and took a picture for comparison, sending it to Mack.

“Lets get both for now.”

Jemma checked off her list as she pulled the other cookware from the shelves and Fitz turned them towards the baking ingredients. Jemma thought aloud as she took items from the shelves and checked them off the list, and Fitz called them all back to her once they were in the cart.

They spent the better part of the afternoon in that pattern, getting what they needed from the list and then checking it twice. When they got back out to the car it was dark, and Jemma gasped as they began loading the bags in the SUV.

Fitz nearly hit his head as he reacted.

“What’s wrong?”

“Linens!”

“Bloody hell. You can't do that to me Jemma. I thought you were hurt or-”

“Hurry up. We have to get to the mall. I wanted to get some holiday linens for the table.”

She put the rest of the bags in to the back in double time and quickly returned the cart as Fitz started the car.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” she offered, as she hopped into the passenger seat, reaching over to place a hand on his knee.

The jolt of warmth soothed his frayed nerves and he tried not to make an audible noise as he sucked in air.

“It's okay. I just - um - you know, it's...”

“I know.”

She squeezed his leg and her hand rested there as they drove. The parking lot was a nightmare, so Fitz dropped her off in front of the bed & bath store.

“Text me when you’re done and I’ll circle back around.”

“Okay.”

Jemma reached over to kiss him on the cheek absentmindedly and they both blanched for a second before she moved quickly out of the car, hiding her blush.

Fourty minutes later when he was back at the front to pick her up, Jemma smiled as she popped the shopping bag in to the back seat. As she buckled in she noticed the two paper coffee cups in the middle console and Fitz handed her one.

“Earl Grey with milk.”

She smiled as she took the holiday themed cup from him and buckled herself in. 

“Thank you - you didn't have to do that.”

He shrugged, picking up his own cup.

“I wanted to.”

As they started to drive away she had to fight back the urge to kiss him on the cheek again. She was so happy to be spending the day with him, and she let herself luxuriate in the affection that swirled around them as they headed back to base. 

When they returned a good hour was spent organizing before any cooking began, and soon after they worked together to assemble both pies. Fitz set the timer to check them as they went in the oven and they moved on to prepping the brussel sprouts Jemma planned to roast the next day.

“Hey Simmons - do you have a minute?”

Lincoln entered the room, a tablet in hand, and she looked up.

“Did you get the test results for Ms. Rodriguez?”

“Yeah - there’s some interesting readings from her metabolic activity.”

“Ooh!”

She walked toward him and turned back to Fitz as they headed toward the lab.

“Make sure to listen for the pies.”

“Yep.” 

He continued slicing potatoes and was greeted by Mack who came in as the others departed.

“Getting everything ready?” he asked, making his way to the fridge.

“Yep. Roast is in there - Jemma said to make sure we got the right pans.”

Mack took a look at both and confirmed they were good to go, pulling out some juice for himself as he took a seat at the counter.

“How’s it going in here?”

“Good. Chopping vegetables - it's about my only skill in the kitchen.”

“How’s everything else then? You have everything else you need for Christmas Eve?”

His question was quiet and Fitz glanced out to the hall before nodding. 

Mack smiled and continued.

“So things have been going well then?”

“It's...good...we’re...we’re good.”

“Good?”

“It's - it's nice to just...be together.”

“So you’re together?”

“No, not like - we’re...we’re taking it slow.”

“You sure are.”

“Come on Mack.”

He stood up, bringing his empty glass to the dishwasher.

“I’m just sayin Turbo.”

He smiled at him for a moment and then a strange look came over his face.

“You smell that - it smells like...”

“BURNING!”

Fitz rushed to the oven and threw open the door, smoke leaching out immediately, and he reached quickly for a potholder, yanking the rack out.

The pumpkin pie was done for.

“The other one looks okay,” Mack began.

“What happened?!”

Jemma rushed in and Mack took a step back.

“Jemma - I’m sorry - I don’t know. The timer didn't go off.”

She looked at the oven.

“You didn’t press start.”

His stomach dropped.

“I’m so sorry.”

She looked at her watch and reset the oven for the pecan pie. Fitz pulled the pumpkin from the rack and she pushed the door closed.

“We can start over - we have time - I’ll make another pumpkin.”

“It's fine. I’ll do it.”

She began to pull out the ingredients and Mack spoke up.

“Simmons - let us help. There’s plenty of hands.”

“No. You two should both go. There’s a lot to be getting on with.”

Mack looked at Fitz who nodded at him and he took his leave. She started rolling out the dough and he stood for a moment.

“Jemma I’m sorry - I really am.”

“Fitz I said it's fine. I know it was an accident.”

Her tone was everything but fine. 

“Jemma - will you let me help? It's just pie.”

“Just go. I don’t have time to fight about this right now.”

He considered staying to stick out the argument but he didn’t have it in him. He wanted so badly to simply be spending time together. They’d had such a nice day and had been hoping for it to continue.

“Fine. Do it yourself.”

His words stung as he walked away and Jemma felt terrible. The mood she had been in all day was shattered, and she busied herself remaking the pie. 

Though she tried to quiet them, her thoughts did not stray far from Fitz the rest of the evening.  She wished he was there with her still, making jokes and otherwise just being in her presence. After everything they’d been through it felt like a travesty really to put a wedge between them over something like this.

It was late by the time she finished and she considered going to his room to apologize but she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to explain how much the holiday meant to her after months of thinking that she’d never have a Christmas again for the rest of her life.

But he would understand. Of course he would. He was Fitz. He understood her better than anyone else in the whole world...the whole universe.

She wiped up and checked her reflection in the microwave before stealing herself.

When she got to his door she knocked softly in their familiar pattern and listened carefully for his invite.

“Come in.”

Fitz was sat up on his bed, legs crossed with a tablet in his hands and a claymation Christmas movie on his tv.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

She stood awkwardly for a moment as the door closed behind her, and her stomach dropped as the click echoed in her ears. The air seemed to shift and she realized suddenly how long it had been since she’d been in his room.

“Have you been in here all evening?”

“I didn’t want to crowd you.”

“Fitz.”

“What?”

“You’re not crowding me. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“Which time.”

“That’s not fair.”

He sighed.

“I'm sorry. I know. I just wish - I wish you would let us help you.”

He set aside the tablet and crossed his arms.

“I did. You helped decorate & shop - and Bobbi & Coulson & Mack are on duty in the morning and Daisy & Hunter took care of drinks and Lincoln & May volunteered to do dishes. Despite what you may think I’m very good at delegating.”

“Okay then.”

“Fitz don’t be upset. I’m sorry. I don’t want to fight and I don’t want you to be alone in here. It's Christmas.”

He looked at her wearily and she suddenly had an idea.

“Oh! Stay here! I mean - for now - I’ll be right back.”

She was back in a flash with a softly wrapped package in her hands and she plopped on to his bed.

“Fitz. This is from me. I’m sorry I’ve been a bit worked up - I just, I wanted it to be nice and for everything to be good and for everyone to be there because-”

“I know Jemma.”

 

She looked in his eyes and the sorrow and recollection reflected back at her sprung a leak in the shellac she had been painting on since they had agreed to start over. Her limp trembled and Fitz reached out for her hand. 

“I’m sorry if I ruined anything. I know how much this means to you.”

“Fitz. No. You didn’t ruin anything.”

She pressed her mouth together, holding back her tears, and looked down at their hands as she brought her other to cover his.

“Do you have any idea,” she said quietly, “what...what I would have given to...if you...” she looked up again. 

“If you - if someone had told me months ago, that I would be back for Christmas - here, with you, burning pie and fighting over tree toppers, I would have...I would have been overjoyed.”

Tears threatened in his eyes too and she took a breath as she wiped hers from under her eyes.

“Here.”

He squeezed her hand and then let it go, taking the package. He unwrapped it slowly to reveal a thickly knitted dark blue pullover.

“Wow. Thank you.”

“It's supposed to -”

“Replace the one you shrunk - yeah.”

He smiled, turning it over in his hands.

“Yes.”

“How’d you find one so similar?”

 “I made it.”

“What?”

Fitz stared at the jumper wondering when she'd had the time to do such a thing.

“I started knitting back when I - well, when I was undercover. The evenings were fairly dull and I needed to stay busy, so I - took up a few hobbies. It helped me practice sutures as well. My surgical skills are much better now and - anyway - I well, I started it then and I, well, it's - I’ve actually been working on it off and on until...”

“You started this over a year ago? For me?”

She nodded.

Fitz turned the sweater over in his hands and unfolded it.

“This whole time Jemma, you...” his voice was far away as he admired it and when he looked back at her his reverie was present.

“Thank you.”

He reached out for a hug and as he wrapped his arms around her Jemma felt a sharp prick of tears bubbling again. She pulled away quickly, flicking them away, and he looked at her with concern.

“Jemma...”

“It's okay. It's just - a lot - it's fine - we should-”

“Do you want to open my gift?”

“Oh! Yes. Of course.”

She smiled appreciatively.

“Okay.” 

He reached directly next to him in to the drawer of the side table and pulled out what was clearly a rectangular jewelry box. Jemma was surprised and without thought she reached to finger at the long gone pendant that still felt missing around her neck.

“Fitz you shouldn’t have.”

“Just open it.”

She pulled the ribbon from the simple box and slid the lid off to reveal a delicate gold chain, not unlike the one she had lost, with a small charm at the end. At first it reminded her of a sunburst and her breath caught as she laid it gently in her hand. Then as she looked closely she realized it resembled a star...or maybe even a-

“It's a seastar,” he offered.

Her eyebrows raised with acknowledgement as she put all the intricate designs together in her mind.

“I thought, you know. Sea. Stars. It's kind of-”

“I understand.”

Her voice was tight and Fitz tried to read her reaction as she stared at it.

Jemma looked at the bauble in her hand for what felt like an eternity and he braved a uncomfortable question.

“Do you like it?”

As she looked up she heard her father’s words echoing in her ears again.

_ “I hope you know what you've got there.” _

“I love you.”

Fitz was completely taken aback and she wished immediately that she could have a do-over.

“Jemma, you don’t - I - it doesn't - you don't have to - it doesn’t have to mean...”

“Yes it does.”

“What?” 

“It means everything.”

His face was full of confusion and she took in a deep breath, letting her tears accumulate now.

“The sea. The stars. You. It’s everything. You’re everything to me and I love you.”

His eyes were deep with uncertainty.

“What happened to starting over?”

She felt a dull sense of rejection and tried to force herself not to take his question as a rebuttal of her feelings.

“I want to start over. Here. With you. Start over and try again. With all of our mistakes and our bad luck and whatever sort of curse behind us.”

“I said that one time.”

“Well it's done with now. We can’t waste anymore time.”

“Really?”

“Really. I want to be with you. I want Christmas with you. I want holidays and birthdays and trips to see our parents and...”

“Perthshire?”

“...and Perthshire.”

Fitz reached up to thumb her tears from the apples of her cheeks and his hand stayed there as his eyes bore into her.

“Jemma...I can’ tell you how much I - how much you...how much you mean to me. I don’t think - I don’t think there’s enough words to...”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, eyes glassy as the words caught in his throat

“I mean it Fitz,” she continued, taking his hand from her cheek between her palms,  “This means the world to me. You mean the world to me.”

“Jemma,” he shuttered, trying to find a way to respond, “You are...my whole world. Everything I am. Everything I do - I...”

He looked down and took a deep breath.

“I love you too.”

Tears cascaded from her at his words and Jemma pulled a hand to her mouth, covering her cries.

He folded her other hand in his then and looked at her with a depth of earnesty that was soul soothing.

“I love you Jemma Simmons and I don’t want to live another day without you.”

She moved her hand again to cup his face and he inhaled peacefully as he took in the feel of her, kissing her palm.

“Then don’t,” she offered in a whisper, “Be with me. Us. Together.”

“Together?”

“In every possible definition of the word."

The corners of her mouth turned up then and her lips met his in a kiss that sent a wave of serenity to his aching heart. It was soft and gentle and everything he remembered from when she had kissed him back in the lab.

He pulled her into his arms, the jewelry box falling to the floor, and Jemma shoved the sweater out of the way as she pushed him forward. Kisses became hands on shoulders and backs and hips as they fell onto the bed, and soon they came together - in every possible definition of the word.

When they left Fitz’s room the next morning, each of them donning their new gifts, Jemma knew nothing could ruin this Christmas.


End file.
